I skipped work to stalk him.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
sarcasm needs its own font
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
