i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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