Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
