Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
