She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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