Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
