Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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