I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
