did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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