It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well you can't waste a boner
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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