Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
