I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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