a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
did i walk over a car last night?
There's always time for handjobs
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
pray to the hookup gods
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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