I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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