I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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