don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
