he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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