Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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