toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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