so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
