ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
