best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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