Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
