My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
