I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
