Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
