I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
