about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
