And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
