he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
