Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
