we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
