Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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