Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
