there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry about my life...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
