We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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