I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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