I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
