Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
