Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
