Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
