First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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