Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
