we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
