I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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