I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
