yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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