It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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