you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
