Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
