I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
