we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
