he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
